10 minute countdown

I set unrealistic goals and deadlines constantly.

Like tonight, realizing I have only 10 minutes to post while it's still technically "today."

This blog is supposed to serve as an ice breaker of sorts, if I have nothing to say then I may as well get the nothing out of the way to make room for the something I have been mulling over.

Today's nothing? Goals. I love them, I'm always setting them and day dreaming about their fruition. And then day two, I forget that I even set one. This constant amnesia or ebb and flow of dedication and determination leaves me paving the first step of my road to success and then trying to follow it, constantly frustrated at the fact that dreams don't build themselves.

I think a lot of the problem is that I set too many goals too fast and I get so focused on the end result the day to day effort in between is heartbreakingly disappointing and utterly shatters the dream.

I always want to be the best version of myself, but often I think that version won't emerge after so many classes, workouts, job interviews. That person I want to be is not and cannot be me. I need to look realistically at what I can do and be.

I'm not saying forget dreams, I'm working on realizing that dreams are the rough draft to get things started, and living everyday life like its an important part of the process instead of a hindrance would make being who I am now easier.

Forgive the cliches and contradictions, these are relatively unfiltered and unedited.

Why is Music So Hard?

The sunlight creeping across the floor reminds me that I should be working. 

But first, music.

Like any project, it needs the music to compliment it. The problem with this is I've never been very good at music. Not good at playing it, not good at listening to it.

Music is emotions incarnate, it can amplify what we are feeling at the moment immeasurably. But a song that one time meant everything now may not pull the same trigger of emotional release, it becomes flat or is doomed to be the wrong song.

There's this insatiable need to always, always be listening and discovering music. The new sound is a cross between hiphop/folk/punk/rock/metal and its like nothing you've ever heard before, or so everyone wants to tell you.

But the right songs just happen. There are popular songs that seem to be everything for their 15 minutes of fame, but then after are simply replaced by the same recycled notes and themes to define the new tomorrow. 

I always want the music to perfectly match my mood. The difficulty is finding out first what mood I'm in and then second, what music actually fits that. Often, I want music to change my mood so I listen to upbeat music when I'm most definitely not feeling it, which perpetuates annoyance with music for not doing its job.

Maybe I'm just what's difficult.